So, what’s up with all the feelings? It depends. If you are the adult child who is concerned about your parents’ well-being you may be feeling:                                                                                                                                                                    –hesitant because you’ve never had to take a leadership role in your family,
–fearful that your parents will be hurt or offended if you bring up the subject,
–anxious because you believe the situation isn’t far from a crisis, or
–resentful thatyou could end up being burdened by care responsibilities or decisions.
Take a little time to let the feelings surface enough to recognize and name them. Don’t shove them to the back of your mind. Realize that timing can be important. Let your parents know ahead of time that there is something of importance on your mind that you would like to discuss with them. Let them pick the time of day that suits them best. Be up-front about your feelings. “Mom/dad, I want you to know that I am hesitant to talk to you about the future and how you might want your care managed. I’ve never been much of a ‘leader,’ but I care too much about you to put this off. I hope you’ll help me—I hope we can help each other.”

If you need more coaching, give me a call. If your own best efforts don’t work, give me a call. Sometimes someone outside the family can make more headway. As always, sharing comments here with other readers is encouraged. Whatever you do, don’t let your own feelings stand in the way of getting a plan in place for the older adults in your life.

Feeling hopeful,
Connie

Like trying to get rid of guilt, wrestling with resentment is often a one-day-at-a-time process—but it is one that is absolutely necessary. Believe me, I’ve learned that if I let it, resentment poisons relationships and can live on in my head and my heart long after the source of the resentment has left this world. For me, an important part of coping with resentment is recognizing the choices I make in the relationship and taking responsibility for them. I am not powerless in the situation. It may not be easy, but I can choose to set limits and boundaries. I can check out my secret thoughts against reality. I can choose to take care of myself. Doing so means that most days I win the wrestling match. When I am less mindful there are days when resentment takes me to the mat and holds me down for the count. Ouch!

Finally, as caregivers we all owe it to ourselves to and to those we care for to take a moment to breathe, to check out our own emotional status, and to take action when you sense resentment is creeping into your care relationship. Everyone benefits in the long run.

Wishing you good feelings,
Connie