One of the hardest things I face working with seniors is resistance to accepting incremental help as they age, especially if there is any financial outlay for the help. I like to think that age brings a degree of wisdom. In this case it is only penny wisdom. Ben Franklin is somewhere shaking his head in dismay. And, if you want to get biblical about it, think about the parable of the young virgins who did not plan ahead appropriately—their oil ran out.

Ben would be jumping up and down on the side of the ounce of prevention. I think he would buy into this elder care mantra: Spend the money for the care you need today. Okay, I’ll give you a minute to recover from your shock. Yes, spend the money, spend it for the care you need, and spend it today. Folks who follow this script end up getting exactly what they say they want–to stay as healthy and independent as long as possible. Health and independence are preserved at a lower overall cost. Ben would smile.

Recently I attended a Life Care Planning workshop where I became totally convinced that Life Care Planning is the best way to cover all the bases for long term care planning while ensuring resources are used or preserved in the most advantageous way. Life Care Planning marries the knowledge of an elder law attorney with other professionals such as geriatric care managers, benefit specialists, etc. The concept is holistic. Plans are customized to meet the long term care objectives of the elderly and their caregivers. Call me. I’ll tell you more and help you find a Life Care Planning practice in your area. It’s the ounce of prevention that is worth a ton!

With thanks to Ben,
Connie

My Professional Geriatric Care Manager hat really gets knocked askew when a product I’ve suggested or solution I’ve offered only becomes valid after one of my mom’s friends or someone at her beauty shop tells her the same thing I’ve told her. It’s enough to make me pull off my big fat PGCM hat and stomp it into the ground right in front of my dear sweet mother. Alas, the reason for the stomping would be entirely lost on her. I would rise from picking up my crushed and dirty hat to meet with that oh so familiar disapproving crossed-arms posture and that “do-we-need-a-time-out” look. Sigh….

Whatever your profession is, and regardless of how well you are respected in it, in the eyes of your parents you may forever be “the baby.” Save yourself a lot of grief by bringing in another professional to work with your parents. Be sure a reference list is provided on the off-chance that friends of your parents have never heard of them. An outside professional may prove to be better at finding creative and palatable solutions for all involved simply because they are free of emotional bias. Basically, get over your own feelings in favor of getting something accomplished for the sake of those you love.

Club members are encouraged to share expressions of solidarity here. Email me for info. about the next support group meeting.

Connie

If you have just returned home from a holiday visit with your older loved ones and find yourself feeling this way, what do you do now? First try to be rational rather than emotional. Since nothing seemed blatantly wrong, you’ve probably got some time to do some fact finding. One way to do that is through frequent communications with your older family members. Take care to ask questions that elicit useful information like what do they do for fun (how active are they staying?) or who else do they interact with on a regular basis (who might be in their extended social support network?). Compare notes on doctor visits, flu shots for example, ask them if they’ve had one? Did they go to their primary care doctor? And who is that anyway?

If you continue to have concerns that problems are present or are looming, you’ve got some names of friends or neighbors to contact. In all likelihood they will be more than willing to either lay your concerns to rest or confirm you suspicions. Knowing the name of the physician who treats your older adult loved is also key. Getting a good physical assessment is always a starting point. Finally, remember you don’t have to carry the burden alone. Chances are you can locate a geriatric care manager near you or your loved one that can help.

Let me know what you did with your “leftovers”. Care Talk helps readers support and learn from each other. What triggered the leftover thoughts for you? How did you ferret out the facts? Where did you turn for help? What worked? What didn’t?

Full for now,
Connie

That’s how lots of people have found SCC.  If there is one thing that adult children of older adults can count on, it is that the need to intervene on behalf of your parents will come.  Just when it will come is the unpredictable part.  Even though I am a well seasoned, well educated, fairly insightful, not to mention professional, geriatric care manager, I too have been blindsided by events like the scenario above. Fortunately, I do know what resources or support services I have to rely on should I get the call from my own mother.

Most of the folks that visit the SCC website are caregivers.  Most do not do caregiving for a living.  More often than not they are family members who live a good distance from the older adult for whom they are seeking help.  I hope that when a stressed family member lands on the SCC site, they breathe an instant sigh of relief.  Blog page readers can be part of a much needed support system.  By commenting and adding your thoughts, success stories, and challenges, the caregiving “safety net” spreads and becomes stronger.

Take a moment to consider and share what situations you either have had to deal with in the past or ones that you hold in the back of your mind that could be front and center at any moment.  Maybe doing so will help all of us be able to head off to our much needed vacations with a little less stress and enjoy them a lot more!

Wishing you a wonderful vacation season,
Connie