Posts Tagged ‘hesitant’

“Just the facts, mam,” is Joe Friday’s famous line from the old Dragnet TV series. It was the detective’s way of trying to cut through extraneous emotions. When it comes to planning for long term care needs, knowing just the facts won’t guarantee success by a long shot. Emotions are a huge part of the planning process. The unaddressed feelings of older adults, as well as the feelings of their adult children or other caregivers, often short-circuit the process before it can get started. Even when “the talk” gets going, left unattended, feelings can fester and derail efforts prematurely.

So, what’s up with all the feelings? It depends. If you are the adult child who is concerned about your parents’ well-being you may be feeling:                                                                                                                                                                    –hesitant because you’ve never had to take a leadership role in your family,
–fearful that your parents will be hurt or offended if you bring up the subject,
–anxious because you believe the situation isn’t far from a crisis, or
–resentful thatyou could end up being burdened by care responsibilities or decisions.
Take a little time to let the feelings surface enough to recognize and name them. Don’t shove them to the back of your mind. Realize that timing can be important. Let your parents know ahead of time that there is something of importance on your mind that you would like to discuss with them. Let them pick the time of day that suits them best. Be up-front about your feelings. “Mom/dad, I want you to know that I am hesitant to talk to you about the future and how you might want your care managed. I’ve never been much of a ‘leader,’ but I care too much about you to put this off. I hope you’ll help me—I hope we can help each other.”

If you need more coaching, give me a call. If your own best efforts don’t work, give me a call. Sometimes someone outside the family can make more headway. As always, sharing comments here with other readers is encouraged. Whatever you do, don’t let your own feelings stand in the way of getting a plan in place for the older adults in your life.

Feeling hopeful,
Connie