Posts Tagged ‘resistance’

If you are the adult child running into a veritable brick wall in your efforts to help your parents put supportive services in place, you are probably asking yourself, “What is the big problem?” The problem is the Big R—resistance. I’m willing to bet you are hearing, “I don’t need it. I don’t want it. It costs too much. I don’t want anyone coming into my house.”, or any number of other help-deflecting roadblocks. It can be very frustrating, huh? Even so, don’t let the Big R of resistance do a double R of ruining a relationship.

To deal with the Big R, children need to realize that resistance is feeling based. Your parents are not comfortable admitting, especially to you, that they need help. And really, they don’t want to see themselves as being less than totally capable and independent. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes and honestly imagine what it would feel like to have someone suggest you need the help you are suggesting to your parents.

The best advice I can offer you when you are facing the Big R is to realize you probably can’t force the issue. True, the choices our parents make in their striving to remain independent could result in them becoming prematurely dependent. But adults are allowed to choose–for better or for worse (assuming a court has not deemed otherwise). Actually verbalizing to your parents that you recognize they still make their own decisions and that change is hard can help ease tensions. You can try sharing some of your own feelings about care planning (see When Feelings Block Care Planning 2/28/2010).

Sometimes nothing works to overcome the feelings of the Big R. You haven’t failed. Your parents have chosen. Take another deep breath. Try to relax. It’s what they had to do when you became old enough to make all your own decisions. Love them anyway and keep our number handy if a crisis develops.

Breathing deeply,
Connie