Posts Tagged ‘unappreciated’

A few weeks ago I wrote about getting rid of guilt. For those caring for an older adult, guilt comes when we think we can never measure up to what is needed or expected. On the other side of the guilt coin is resentment. The kind of resentment I’m talking about today is the kind that comes from feeling put upon, unappreciated, or manipulated. I love how S. Hein breaks the word down to examine the root meaning. “In certain languages, Spanish and French for example, sentir means to feel, so re-sentir, or resent, means literally to feel again. We feel resentful till we take some action to help remedy a socially unhealthy situation.” It is kinda crazy that we would re-feel and re-feel something that feels so bad, huh?

Like trying to get rid of guilt, wrestling with resentment is often a one-day-at-a-time process—but it is one that is absolutely necessary. Believe me, I’ve learned that if I let it, resentment poisons relationships and can live on in my head and my heart long after the source of the resentment has left this world. For me, an important part of coping with resentment is recognizing the choices I make in the relationship and taking responsibility for them. I am not powerless in the situation. It may not be easy, but I can choose to set limits and boundaries. I can check out my secret thoughts against reality. I can choose to take care of myself. Doing so means that most days I win the wrestling match. When I am less mindful there are days when resentment takes me to the mat and holds me down for the count. Ouch!

Finally, as caregivers we all owe it to ourselves to and to those we care for to take a moment to breathe, to check out our own emotional status, and to take action when you sense resentment is creeping into your care relationship. Everyone benefits in the long run.

Wishing you good feelings,
Connie